How a conversation can save a life.

Until November last year, I hadn't told anybody else this story: the story of how a conversation saved my life. Not even my parents knew this story, so know that I don't share this with you lightly.

How a single sentence changed my life

Not long ago, I posted some portraits of my friend Leigh, reconnecting with her for the first time since high school. It was during high school that Leigh's story intersected with mine: in November 2004, her older brother took his own life. Maybe a week or so later, her parents came to the school to talk to our entire year level about Ben, depression and suicide as part of a small memorial service. I cried the whole time: I didn't know Ben, and I wasn't particularly close to Leigh, but it really hit home. I had struggled and struggled through a lot of mental anguish, feeling isolated in my battle and in a lot of pain. This was before a time where R U OK? Day existed, before social media, before reading blogs that would later help me to know I was not alone. Stigma and misunderstanding surrounded the very taboo topic of mental illness more so than it does today.

Why I'm trekking for orangutans in Borneo.

With just two weeks to go until I leave for Borneo, I've finally written this post. Over the last year as I've been training, fundraising and campaigning for the trek, a lot of you have been so supportive and have—rightly so—been curious as to why I decided to trek for orangutans.

I believe we all have an opportunity and a responsibility to inspire change. I've always known that I wanted to do something that will keep on giving even when I'm gone. I don't want to live out my days contributing only to myself and my own life when there are so many beings around the world in need. It was never going to be enough to only do well in my career; I wanted everything else I was passionate about on the inside to be something I was actively involved in on the outside.

The year of clarity: 2013.

Last year, I came to realise that somewhere along the way, I had gotten lost.

I felt the need to reconnect with the world in a more tangible way, to return to my craft, to creativity and to experimentation. I haven't experimented with my photography for many years; as a result, I often feel like I have grown stagnant. I'm bored of my own work (but as with most creatives, we are our own worst critics).

Most of this year was dedicated to finding my way. It was never going to be an easy journey—it wasn't as if everything would right itself the moment the clock turned over to 2013. Clarity was hard to come by. But one step at a time, some of my greatest clouds lifted, and I found small pieces of myself again.

Beyond Blue: I Am Anxiety Campaign.

Beyond Blue recently launched their I Am Anxiety campaign, an anxiety awareness campaign the first of its kind within Australia, which inspired me to write about my own experiences with anxiety. As I wrote in this post earlier this year, I have lived with anxiety for quite some time, and so this campaign is fairly close to my heart and the hearts of 1 in 4 Australians like me. The videos outline many of the common symptoms of anxiety, calling viewers to recognise them and take action.

Disorders such as depression, anxiety and many other mental illnesses are still so largely misunderstood by the general public that many suffer from the symptoms without being aware. The social stigma caused by such a lack of understanding on the topic has left many to fall silent on their own affliction; whilst many people commonly view depression as being a serious mental health issue, a lot of people assume that being anxious is simply a part of their personality. Such is the stigma of these conditions, that many of those around me would not have known that this was a part of the day-to-day life of someone who is typically described as being outgoing, sociable and seemingly speeding towards a bright future.

Distance.

For some time now, I have been aware, with a little discomfort, that I present myself a little more reservedly online (at times) than I do in person, especially through my blog.

Most who have met me will be familiar with my energetic persona and my never-ending ability to start and maintain (with great enthusiasm) a conversation. I pride myself on being quite an outgoing, warm & friendly person, a natural "social butterfly", and do enjoy having discussions of any and every kind, on any and every topic.

Today I am speaking about something different. TL;DR: I'm about to open up to you. A lot. If long posts about life discomfort you, do not bother reading.